Is Annulment Right for You? Don’t Jump the Gun and Shoot Yourself!

If you’re contemplating ending your marriage and wondering if an annulment is right for you, I’m here to help.

An annulment may seem more appealing if you belong to a religious or conservative community that frowns on divorce. Annulling your marriage may appear like a clean break without the stigma of being a divorcee.

But before jumping in, educate yourself about the differences between an annulment and a divorce in the state where you live.

Whether an annulment is preferable in your case rides on several factors. Your rights are different depending on the proceeding you choose and the laws where you live. So choose with care guided by an experienced family law attorney in your area who can explain how your local laws apply to your situation.

In this post, I will discuss important factors to consider in deciding whether to pursue an annulment or a divorce.

Let’s begin!

What is an annulment?

An annulment is a legal proceeding that declares a marriage invalid, as if it had never occurred.

The court determines there was a defect in the marriage that made the union void or voidable at the onset. Therefore, annulments are available under extremely limited circumstances.

An individual seeking an annulment must prove to the court that the invalidating circumstances existed when the marriage took place.

When is an annulment suitable?

An annulment may be a better option for short marriages, where the couple discovers that their marriage was not legal, or for a spouse who was deceived or coerced into the marriage. Additionally, an annulment does not require a waiting period before filing, so the parties may proceed right away.

Longer marriages may have more issues to resolve, such as the distribution of property acquired jointly and issues involving children. Divorce may be more appropriate in these cases, as I will explain below.

Differences between annulment and divorce

A divorce, unlike an annulment, dissolves a valid marriage.

Every state has different grounds for divorce that typically include problems that developed after the wedding, like irreconcilable differences, abandonment, adultery, or cruelty.

Some states require a waiting period before a party can file for divorce, ranging from a few months to a few years.

In many jurisdictions, an annulment is harder to get than a divorce because there are fewer available grounds and they may be difficult to prove.

Common grounds for annulment

The grounds for annulment vary by jurisdiction. You must present evidence and convince the court that these factors existed before the wedding ceremony and that you did not know about them at the time.

Common grounds for annulment include:

1. Fraud or misrepresentation

If your spouse misrepresented or lied to you about a significant matter to induce you to marry, you may file for annulment. This may include marrying to get a green card, hiding an addiction, their desire to have children, or pregnancy by another partner.

A family law attorney can advise you if your spouse’s lie or misrepresentation is sufficient to support a petition for an annulment.

2. Coercion

You can get an annulment if your spouse forced you to marry under threats of violence or death to yourself or family members.

3. Underage marriage

Each state has an age, typically 18, before individuals can be married without parental consent. If you or your spouse were younger than the age of consent when you wed, you may seek an annulment.

4. Bigamy

If you discover your spouse was already married to another person at the time of the marriage, you can annul your union. Since bigamy is a crime, your spouse can also be prosecuted for the offense.

5. Incest

If you discover that you and your spouse are close blood relatives, your marriage can be terminated on those grounds.

6. Mental incapacity

If one spouse lacked the capacity to understand they were getting married due to intoxication by drugs or alcohol or due to a mental disability, the marriage can be annulled.

7. Impotence or lack of consummation

Your marriage can be annulled if your husband concealed he was impotent and is unable or unwilling to engage in sexual relations. A man can file for annulment if his wife knowingly lied about being infertile. These conditions must exist when you got married. Becoming impotent or discovering infertility after marriage does not qualify for an annulment.

The annulment process

The annulment process begins by filing a petition with the court stating the grounds for your request. You must also serve this petition on your spouse.

If your spouse contests the petition, the court will hold a hearing where you will have to present evidence and prove your case.

The court will evaluate the evidence and grant or deny the annulment. Depending on your state, the court may also decide other issues associated with parenting your children and property division.

Once the court grants your petition, the marriage is deemed voided and the parties become single, instead of divorced.

Why it matters

Since an annulment voids the marriage as if it had never occurred, the laws handle issues differently in annulment versus divorce cases.

Choosing an annulment may be a dangerous move. Since the court decides a marriage didn’t exist, you could lose some rights afforded to divorcing spouses. That’s why you must have an attorney explain your options in detail.

Here are just a few of them:

1. Property division in annulment cases

In divorce cases, the court decides how to divide assets and debt acquired during the marriage. The laws may provide for equitable distribution or community property depending on where you live. These laws may not apply to annulments, and the division of property and liabilities may be more complicated. Or you may lose rights to property, such as the marital home, that you may be entitled to in a divorce. Make sure you understand your rights under each scenario before you proceed.

2. Annulment and alimony

In some states, spouses have a right to spousal support after a marriage ends in divorce. That may not be true in an annulment, where a court rules that the marriage never existed.

Do not cheat yourself. Speak to a family lawyer first and find out if you could lose your right to alimony if your marriage is annulled.

3. Child Custody and Support

Children born of your relationship do not cease to exist when a marriage is voided. But their rights may differ from the children of divorce. Divorce laws provide certain benefits and protections and the legal mechanisms to enforce them.

In annulment cases, the law may limit your children to the rights available to children born out of wedlock.

Do not deprive your children of what belongs to them. Educate yourself regarding their rights under each proceeding with the help of a family lawyer, so you can protect their rights.

4. Annulment and taxes

An annulment can also affect your taxes and any joint returns filed during the marriage will need to be amended. Consult with a financial advisor or tax accountant before you petition to annul your marriage to determine the tax consequences compared to a divorce.

5. Annulment and immigration

Marriage to a U.S. citizen or permanent resident may give you immigration rights. The end of a marriage under either proceeding may affect the immigration status of the non-citizen spouse.

The U.S. government takes marriage fraud seriously and seeks deportation for suspected marriage fraud. In these cases, the immigrant must prove they married their spouse in good faith, not to get a green card.

If you’re an immigrant, talk to an immigration attorney if you are seeking to end your marriage or your spouse files for annulment or divorce.

6. Annulment and prenups

When the court voids a marriage as if it never occurred, your rights under a prenuptial agreement may end as well. Consult with a family attorney to find out if the law in your state enforces prenuptial agreements in your case.

7. Annulment and religion

If you think you’re better off annulling your marriage for religious reasons, think again. The court proceeding only invalidates your civil marriage and has nothing to do with your religious union.

If you desire a religious divorce, such as a catholic annulment or Jewish get, you must pursue it separately after the court grants the divorce.

Conclusion

As you can see, ending your marriage, whether by annulment or divorce, can have serious consequences for the quality of your life.

Before proceeding, make sure you understand the laws and how they affect you and your children in each scenario. A competent family law attorney is your best defense to make sure your rights and your future are protected.

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That means you or someone you know might be in danger or suffering in silence.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month–a time to bring attention to this important issue, so we can get smart and do our part to end this epidemic.

That’s why I teamed up with journalist Ilyssa Panitz and Authority Magazine for this interview, also featuring the 5 Things You Need to Know to Survive and Thrive After a Divorce.

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and domestic violence advocate. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

The post Do You Feel Safe in Your Relationship? appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

Relationship Solutions is an excellent book for readers who are looking to start their life all over again or need guidance when it comes to making decisions on the future of their unhappy relationship or marriage. The insights shared will not only help readers with their own thought patterns but also the mindsets of their spouses and partners. Sonia Frontera‘s approach to the topic is simple and easy to apply and helps readers adopt an active awareness so that they can create the joyful life they deserve. The book offers good encouragement when it comes to making choices that will help them seize the power and make the next positive moves. For readers looking to create a life of freedom and fulfillment, this book will help them cultivate the skills to turn their obstacles into opportunities and create joy and happiness.

Reviewed By Mamta Madhavan for Readers’ Favorite

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Relationship Solutions: Effective Strategies to Heal Your Heart and Create the Happiness You Deserve is the third book in the self-help ‘The Sister’s Guides to Empowered Living’ series, but needs no prior introduction to serve as a stand-alone read for newcomers.

Plenty of books on the market discuss marital harmony and healing, but few adopt the approach of Relationship Solutions, which covers how to identify and work through underlying negativity to arrive at equitable solutions that work for all.

This isn’t a one-formula-fits-all-relationships approach, but a set of strategies designed to help readers first gain clarity about their own needs, responses, and lives; then work with another to meld interests and rebuild relationships and love.

It surveys common traits of an unhappy marriage, provides tools for re-assessing whether the couple individually holds enough connections and purpose to reform a bond together, and builds a positive mindset not just for relationship rebuilding, but for divorce (if this seems the best solution).

This approach sets Sonia Frontera‘s book apart from other relationship discussions, but there’s more. In the interests of not providing a singular model for the road to equitable partnership or disbanding, Frontera provides candid assessments that include financial as well as emotional concerns: “Technically, a mediator may help you craft an agreement you are comfortable with but may not be an optimal outcome in your situation. If you have not received adequate counseling, you may agree to terms that are not good for you. That’s why, unless the issues are simple and few, the parties should consider bringing their respective attorneys to mediation to protect their interests and avoid accepting unfavorable terms. Having attorneys present makes mediation more expensive, a factor you need to consider when selecting your divorce model.”

The emphasis on self-care, self-knowledge, and better understanding the process of coming together or moving apart to create a win-win situation for all makes this book outstanding in many ways. Relationship Solutions is the item of choice for anyone interested in pursuing what makes for not just a stronger relationship, but a better, more independent and mindful relationship with life itself.

Diane Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review

The post Rave Review by Diane Donovan of the Midwest Book Review appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

Those words may sound harsh, even bitter. He left you—maybe your kids too—with a broken heart and a diminished bank account. How can you be thankful for such a situation? This may be a difficult concept to consider while you’re still hurting, but the truth is, you have the choice between wishing he hadn’t left and being okay that he’s no longer your husband. How is that possible?

Let me be clear, I’m not dismissing the loss of financial security you may have derived by staying in your marriage. He may have left you and your children destitute as well as reeling from the loss of love. Such treatment is horrible, and I’m so sorry. If you are both Christian, you may be sick at heart over his having left his faith too. But right now, let’s focus on you and ask the question: Is the type of man who would leave, the right man for you?

The truth of your marriage

None of us wants to feel rejected, even if the one who has rejected us isn’t good for us. In trying to undo the rejection, your ego may tell you to wish him back. Telling your ego you need to get real and look at your situation differently might help you come to the realization he’s done you a favor by leaving.

Ask yourself why you’d want this man—this kind of man—still yoked to you. Were you physically and emotionally safe with him? Have you been truly happy in your marriage? Has he changed over the years? Do you love him, or do you love the kind of person he once was or you wished he was?

I ask these hard questions because, for years, I was the one who overlooked my husband’s hints he was not totally invested in our marriage. I dragged him to counseling several times without seeing permanent change. But I kept hoping he’d “see the light” and change as he promised. Your husband may have been more subtle, but I’m betting his decision to leave didn’t happen overnight.

It’s okay to express your anger

If you asked, my ex would tell you I was the one who left. In a legal sense, it’s true, but he’d abandoned me emotionally long before our divorce. (Look for my memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce if you want the details.) He left me heartbroken as well as angry—angry with myself for investing so much time trying to make things better as well as angry with him. And yet I had a hard time letting go.

You, too, may cycle through heartbreak and anger. A first step is to express your anger in healthy ways. Scream, pound your pillow, go to talk therapy—do whatever healthy things you can do to let it out and let it go. Something that helped me was taking the shears to the overgrown rhododendron in my yard. “Take that!” Whack, whack. “And that!” Whack, whack. Pruning out all that overgrowth and dead wood proved to be a perfect metaphor for clearing away the injuries of my marriage.

He is who he is

As the shock of my husband’s abandonment wore off, I began reading books, trying to make sense of what happened and working on forgiveness. Lewis B. Smedes stunned me with this observation: “[Forgiveness] cannot heal our narcissistic resentments toward people for not being all that we expect them to be — nobody can forgive people for being what they are.” (Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve, HarperOne, 2007) In other words, who are we to expect people to be any different than they truly are? Even God does not change a person’s will. My ex was who he was. He knew who I wanted him to be, and he chose not to be that kind of person. Sad for me, but the sooner I accepted this reality, the more peace I would find.

He’s not the right man for you

Don’t get me wrong. It took me a while after the divorce to not wake up from dreams begging him to come back, and to truly believe I was better off without him. My ego took a lot of convincing. If you had the chance to start over, knowing all you know about your ex now, would you choose to let him into your life? Can you accept he isn’t the kind of man who is good for you or will change for you?

Now that you’re free of him, you can open yourself up to more possibilities. His leaving has given you an opportunity to grow and learn and become emotionally stronger. Learning to live on my own after twenty-five years of marriage challenged and strengthened me. It unleashed multiple blessings in my life. I felt surrounded by both earthly and heavenly love. I even found a new passion in ballroom dancing.

Try this exercise

Imagine, as I did, a friend trying to set you up with your ex. It might go something like my journal entry:

“I want to introduce you to someone I think you’re going to like. His wife of twenty-five years dumped him, and he’s quite sad. He’s a bit overweight, I hear he snores like crazy, spends all of his time at the computer, wants to be waited on, and is a picky eater, but he really is a nice guy. Maybe a little passive-aggressive too, but nice.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” I’d say, “I deserve so much better!”

I pray the Lord provides you with the resources you need to survive and flourish after your divorce. I pray you wake up one day soon with a smile on your face, knowing you’re free of the hurt and anger of your divorce, knowing you deserve so much better, believing he did you a favor by leaving.

Linda M. Kurth writes memoir, romance, and non-fiction for adults, and fantasy and non-fiction for children. Her memoir, God, the Devil, and Divorce: A Transformative Journey out of Emotional and Spiritual Abuse was published as an eBook in November 2020, and the paperback is scheduled for release March 2, 2021. She also writes a blog, Help and Healing for Divorced Christians. More about Linda and her books can be found here: www.lindmkurth.com.

The post He Did You a Favor by Leaving: Learning to Let Go appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

Divorce is a scary experience and working with a lawyer may seem like a daunting and expensive proposition.  But going through divorce unrepresented can cost you even more.

In this guest post published in Divorce Magazine, I tell you why you need to hire a divorce lawyer–what’s at stake and why you need to avoid a toxic legal battle.

Read on!

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and domestic violence advocate. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the bestselling author “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?” and “Relationship Solutions: Effective Strategies to Heal Your Heart and Create the Happiness You Deserve.”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

The post Do You Really Need a Divorce Lawyer? appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

In this article in celebrity lawyer Laura Wasser‘s It’s Over Easy, 19 experts reveal the signs you must pay attention to.

Find out why I think you should not underestimate the importance of trust in your marriage.

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

The post 19 Experts Give Warning Signs Of Divorce You Need To Pay Attention To appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

In this article published on MSN, experts reveal 23 Ways Divorce Impacts Your Life No One Tells You, featuring yours truly!

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

The post 23 Ways Divorce Impacts Your Life No One Tells You appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

Divorce can be expensive, but there are ways to save money. In this article published in Love to Know, the experts tell you how you can make the most of your dollars as you navigate the legal process, featuring divorce attorney  Sonia Frontera.

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the

#1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook

The post Save Money on Your Divorce – The Experts Tell You How appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

Everybody is talking about the movie “Marriage Story.”

The media has been weighing in on the quality of the film, the performances, the awards, what is realistic and what is not. Is it a story about marriage or about divorce? Forums and social media exploded with discussions taking sides about who is right and who is wrong.

The most valuable lesson of this film, however, has remained unexplored: “Marriage Story” is a cautionary tale about a marriage that could have been saved and the unnecessary ugliness of divorce. 

If you are contemplating divorce, take some cues from “Marriage Story” as a starting point to explore the state of your union and deepen the communication with your partner before heading to court.

While the brilliance of the film is getting most of the attention, perhaps the greatest value of “Marriage Story” is that it provides a framework for couples in trouble to witness the traps that lead to a toxic divorce, so they can avoid them.

Even though Charlie and Nicole’s marriage didn’t have a happy ending,  you can learn from their mistakes.

Here are  five takeaways from “Marriage Story” that can spare you from a painful divorce:

• Before calling it quits, evaluate whether your marriage can be saved

Charlie and Nicole’s marriage could have been saved.  Maybe yours can be saved, too.

While the movie begins with the couple already in divorce mediation, as we glimpse into their relationship, we realize that Charlie and Nicole had enough going for them to make their marriage worth fighting for. They deeply loved each other, enjoyed parenting together and shared a passion for the performing arts.

If you still love your spouse, do not rush to a lawyer’s office. Do emotional inventory first and determine if you and your partner should give your marriage one last chance.

• Tackle marital problems early on

Once you get to the point of no return, there is no way back! Do not let your marital problems fester until you can’t take it anymore. Nicole’s grievances could have been resolved if she had spoken up sooner and made clear to her husband that these problems endangered their marriage. Talk to your partner about the issues that trouble you and give him or her a chance to do the same.

• Support your partner but not at the expense of your identity

Supporting your spouse is key to any marriage, but it should never be done at the expense of your fondest dreams. A promising actress, Nicole sacrificed her aspirations to become the supportive wife of an up-and-coming theater director. Over time, this “lesser” role led to resentment until she felt too stifled to go on.

We all deserve self-fulfillment. Strive for balance in your relationship and rebalance when things are becoming one-sided. Continue to pursue your passions and make it clear to your partner that they are necessary for your happiness.

• Control your divorce process: do not let the divorce process control you

Even if your marriage can’t be saved, you still have control over the divorce process. Do not allow reactivity and clinging to unreasonable positions to blind you from reaching a fair result. In “Marriage Story,” Charlie’s insistence on being a “New York family” unleashed a series of events that fueled reactivity from both partners until what begun as an amicable divorce turned toxic.

Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster and there will be times when you lose your cool. In volatile situations, step back instead of firing back. Do not be afraid to walk away when things are getting out of control to avoid saying and doing things you will regret later. When negotiating a settlement, seek solutions that make sense and lead to the highest good instead of stubbornly insisting on having your way.

• Choose your lawyers with care

Contrary to popular belief, there are no winners in a divorce. Charlie and Nicole may have saved themselves money and grief if they had worked with different lawyers. Before you file for divorce, investigate the reputation of your local lawyers and select one whose values align with yours and your priorities.

Even with the best of intentions, not all marriages can be repaired. But practicing the above tips will increase the odds of living happily ever after—with your current spouse, in a new relationship or alone.

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

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