In a culture that’s obsessed with success, that segregates people into winners and losers, those of us who made a mistake picking our life partner can spend the rest of our lives married instead to a label of failure. The concept of the “failed marriage” causes needless suffering: to people recovering from divorce and to those who hang on to unsalvageable marriages to spare themselves of embarrassing feelings of failure. The myth of the failed marriage is only one of the many negative beliefs society inflicts on us and that we accept as truth. But you don’t have to accept this or any other myth that does not serve you. Ending your marriage doesn’t make you a terrible person or a loser; it only makes you and your spouse incompatible.

In this guest post in Divorced Moms, I debunk the myth of a failed marriage.

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and domestic violence advocate. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

The post Debunking the Myth of the Failed Marriage appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

It will be published on November 1st. It is available for pre-order at Barnes & Noble.

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

The post A Meditation on Love and Happiness – Novelist Raves about Relationship Solutions appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

August 25^th is Kiss and Make Up Day. With the COVID lockdown bringing too much togetherness, many couples are pondering if they should call it quits or if they should make up.

All couples have their ups and downs, and many can be weathered with love and a commitment to work things out. Filing for divorce is a life-altering decision that should be made carefully and never in haste.

Before you head to your lawyer’s office, do emotional inventory and sort through your marital dynamics to determine whether your marriage can be saved or if it is time to move on.

Here are seven queries to walk you through the process, gain clarity and help you make the divorce decision with confidence.

• Do you still love your partner?

If you no longer love your spouse, it is more humane to get a divorce, so both partners can rebuild their lives and be happy, although separately. If the love is still there, however, investing in the relationship can pay off and spare you from heartache and regret.

• What do you need to be happy in a relationship and can you provide it to one another?

You may not be happy right now, but your marriage can improve if both parties are willing and able to work on it. Understanding your needs and communicating them to your spouse is the first step. Committing to a joint action plan is instrumental.

• Are your spouse’s behaviors offensive to any reasonable person or just to you?

Ponder whether most people find the behaviors that drive you crazy offensive or if they are your personal pet peeves. Some behaviors, like abuse, are deal-breakers. Lesser offenses, like leaving socks on the floor or the toothpaste cap off are annoying. But do they justify ending your marriage?

• Are your spouse’s annoying behaviors mindless, reckless or intended to upset you?

Evaluate whether you are vexed by thoughtless behaviors that can be corrected or if your spouse is hurting you intentionally.

• Do you contribute to relationship strife and can you make changes to reduce discord?

Pay attention to your words and actions and how they affect your relationship. Notice what happens when you try a new approach to situations that create conflict.

• Would you be happier alone?

You deserve to be happy. You are not doing yourself or your spouse any favors by staying in a relationship that makes you miserably unhappy.

• Are you afraid that, if you leave, you will regret it later?

Approximately 50 percent of divorced couples regret having divorced and wish they had worked harder at saving their marriages. If you are worried that you will be sorry you divorced, give your relationship one last chance before you say goodbye.

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

The post Should You and Your Spouse Kiss and Make Up? appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

Everybody is talking about the movie “Marriage Story.”

The media has been weighing in on the quality of the film, the performances, the awards, what is realistic and what is not. Is it a story about marriage or about divorce? Forums and social media exploded with discussions taking sides about who is right and who is wrong.

The most valuable lesson of this film, however, has remained unexplored: “Marriage Story” is a cautionary tale about a marriage that could have been saved and the unnecessary ugliness of divorce. 

If you are contemplating divorce, take some cues from “Marriage Story” as a starting point to explore the state of your union and deepen the communication with your partner before heading to court.

While the brilliance of the film is getting most of the attention, perhaps the greatest value of “Marriage Story” is that it provides a framework for couples in trouble to witness the traps that lead to a toxic divorce, so they can avoid them.

Even though Charlie and Nicole’s marriage didn’t have a happy ending,  you can learn from their mistakes.

Here are  five takeaways from “Marriage Story” that can spare you from a painful divorce:

• Before calling it quits, evaluate whether your marriage can be saved

Charlie and Nicole’s marriage could have been saved.  Maybe yours can be saved, too.

While the movie begins with the couple already in divorce mediation, as we glimpse into their relationship, we realize that Charlie and Nicole had enough going for them to make their marriage worth fighting for. They deeply loved each other, enjoyed parenting together and shared a passion for the performing arts.

If you still love your spouse, do not rush to a lawyer’s office. Do emotional inventory first and determine if you and your partner should give your marriage one last chance.

• Tackle marital problems early on

Once you get to the point of no return, there is no way back! Do not let your marital problems fester until you can’t take it anymore. Nicole’s grievances could have been resolved if she had spoken up sooner and made clear to her husband that these problems endangered their marriage. Talk to your partner about the issues that trouble you and give him or her a chance to do the same.

• Support your partner but not at the expense of your identity

Supporting your spouse is key to any marriage, but it should never be done at the expense of your fondest dreams. A promising actress, Nicole sacrificed her aspirations to become the supportive wife of an up-and-coming theater director. Over time, this “lesser” role led to resentment until she felt too stifled to go on.

We all deserve self-fulfillment. Strive for balance in your relationship and rebalance when things are becoming one-sided. Continue to pursue your passions and make it clear to your partner that they are necessary for your happiness.

• Control your divorce process: do not let the divorce process control you

Even if your marriage can’t be saved, you still have control over the divorce process. Do not allow reactivity and clinging to unreasonable positions to blind you from reaching a fair result. In “Marriage Story,” Charlie’s insistence on being a “New York family” unleashed a series of events that fueled reactivity from both partners until what begun as an amicable divorce turned toxic.

Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster and there will be times when you lose your cool. In volatile situations, step back instead of firing back. Do not be afraid to walk away when things are getting out of control to avoid saying and doing things you will regret later. When negotiating a settlement, seek solutions that make sense and lead to the highest good instead of stubbornly insisting on having your way.

• Choose your lawyers with care

Contrary to popular belief, there are no winners in a divorce. Charlie and Nicole may have saved themselves money and grief if they had worked with different lawyers. Before you file for divorce, investigate the reputation of your local lawyers and select one whose values align with yours and your priorities.

Even with the best of intentions, not all marriages can be repaired. But practicing the above tips will increase the odds of living happily ever after—with your current spouse, in a new relationship or alone.

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

The post 5 Lessons from “Marriage Story” That Can Save Your Marriage and Your Sanity appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

(908) 881-5095

sonia@soniafrontera.com

http://www.soniafrontera.com/

Is Getting a Divorce Your New Year’s Resolution?

Seven Questions You Should Answer Honestly Before Ending Your Marriage

LAMBERTVILLE, NJ—January 6, 2020

If your marriage is in trouble, the new year is the perfect time to assess the state of your union. Some people vow to make their marriages better. Others are debating whether they should get divorced.

Ending a marriage can be intimidating. But it doesn’t have to be, says Sonia Frontera, a collaborative divorce attorney, empowerment trainer and author of Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?

“All couples have their ups and downs, and many can be weathered with love and a commitment to work things out. Filing for divorce is a life-altering decision that should be made carefully and not in haste.”

Before you head to your lawyer’s office, Frontera recommends doing emotional inventory and sorting through your marital dynamics to determine whether your marriage can be saved or if it is time to move on.

Frontera offers seven queries to walk you through the process, gain clarity and help you make the divorce decision with confidence.

1. Do you still love your partner? If you no longer love your spouse, it is more humane to get a divorce, so both partners can rebuild their lives and be happy, although separately. If the love is still there, however, investing in the relationship can pay off and spare you from heartache and regret.
2. What do you need to be happy in a relationship and can you provide it to one another? You may not be happy right now, but your marriage can improve if both parties are willing and able to work on it. Understanding your needs and communicating them to your spouse is the first step. Committing to a joint action plan is instrumental.
3. Are your spouse’s behaviors offensive to any reasonable person or just to you? Ponder whether most people find the behaviors that drive you crazy offensive or if they are your personal pet peeves. Some behaviors, like abuse, are deal-breakers. Lesser offenses, like leaving socks on the floor or the toothpaste cap off are annoying. But do they justify ending your marriage?
4. Are your spouse’s annoying behaviors mindless, reckless or intended to upset you? Evaluate whether you are vexed by thoughtless behaviors that can be corrected or if your spouse is hurting you intentionally.
5. Do you contribute to relationship strife and can you make changes to reduce discord? Pay attention to your words and actions and how they affect your relationship. Notice what happens when you try a new approach to situations that create conflict.
6. Would you be happier alone? You deserve to be happy. You are not doing yourself or your spouse any favors by staying in a relationship that makes you miserably unhappy.
7. Are you afraid that, if you leave, you will regret it later? Approximately 50 percent of divorced couples regret having divorced and wish they had worked harder at saving their marriages. If you are worried that you will be sorry you divorced, give your relationship one last chance before you say goodbye.

Book blurb: Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist? offers women a roadmap for the journey from an unhappy marriage to personal freedom in or out of the relationship. It contains tools to assess the viability of their marriages, decide whether the relationship can be repaired or if it is time to call it quits, and provides strategies to create lasting positive changes in their psyches and lives.

The book, published by Coventina House, retails for $13.99 and is available through all major wholesalers and on the Web at a variety of electronic bookseller sites, or directly from www.soniafrontera.com .

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To the Media: Sonia Frontera can provide advice, story ideas, articles, background and commentary. She responds quickly to media requests. Contact her at sonia@soniafrontera.com or by phone at (908) 881-5095.

Visit Sonia Frontera’s Website http://www.soniafrontera.com, Connect with her on Twitter http://twitter.com/FronteraSonia and on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/sistersguides/.

Sonia Frontera’s high-resolution photo is at http://www.flickr.com/photos/soniafrontera/

The post Tip Sheet: 7 Questions You Should Answer Honestly Before Ending Your Marriage appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

Read on!

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

Should You Divorce Now, or Wait Until the Holidays Are Over?

The post Should You Divorce Now or Wait Until the Holidays Are Over? appeared first on Sonia Frontera.

Feel like something’s missing from your relationship? Release your doubts and fears and get your groove back with help from the experts!

Check out this article by Carolyn Steber published on Bustle, featuring Sonia Frontera, author of “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there’s life after separation.  Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller “Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?”

She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.

Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.

The post What’s Missing from Your Relationship and How to Get It Back. The experts tell all. appeared first on Sonia Frontera.